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Thread: Essay, eh?
10-26-2012, 05:28 PM #1
So my school's having this competition, as part of the VFW movement, where we write an essay and if ours is the best we win an $1000 scholarship. Mine isn't done yet, but anyone got any comments or such about it? Feel free to criticize, as long as it's constructive.
I did a screenshot to keep the formatting.
Last edited by ToxicJew.; 10-30-2012 at 06:14 AM.
10-26-2012, 05:35 PM #2
Personally think that it's flawless (from an analytical standpoint). You use big words but you make it where it's understandable so it's not too wordy. I also like how you use quotes for support to what you're saying. Very well written essay so far. It was a nice read, good luck.
10-26-2012, 05:46 PM #3
10-26-2012, 05:48 PM #4
maybe work on your topic sentences to transition from paragraph to paragraph. try not do dive right in to a brand new topic without a transitional phrase.
10-26-2012, 05:50 PM #5
10-26-2012, 05:58 PM #6
However sire, upon previous arousal our founding fathers contemplated sexual intimacy amongst each other at the shrine, for which they are forever bound to by blood, in holy matrimony, amen.
10-26-2012, 06:00 PM #7
10-26-2012, 06:03 PM #8
The introduction sentences are really good and very informative, but they just don't grab too much attention. Don't put so much detail in the first sentences. Make the reader want to read the rest of the paragraph to find all of the information, but write something in the first section that will stick in their mind after they read it. I'm sure you hear this a lot and I understand how it feels. I usually take up to ten minutes trying to figure out a starting sentence. In my opinion, introduction sentences are the hardest parts of essays.
10-26-2012, 06:06 PM #9
- Join Date
- May 2011
- ');DROP TABLE 'users';--
If you don't mind me asking, what grade are you in?
10-26-2012, 06:17 PM #10
I'm in 11th grade.
Word HAXZing, topic/transitional sentences are definitely among the hardest.