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  1. #1
    ABlackGuy's Avatar

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    PSN ID: X_-ABlackGuy-_X

    Default My creative writing.

    I screenshot it because I dont want my teacher looking for plagiarism and then this site shows up. This isnt the one that people have been helping me in xat (thanks btw) but a slightly older one in the same setting. Give some feedback.






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  2. #2
    Kurama MerkShot's Avatar
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    PSN ID: PeerPressure_

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    Im not trying to be a nazi or anything but im just gonna proof read this paper and list mistakes as i go to help you..
    Beginning of second sentence should be six not "6" you do not begin a sentence with a number like that.
    Same thing applies for each 6 at the beginning of each sentence.
    Good parallell structure with six years.
    Second paragraph erase the period after Kalo Car and put a comma after it, also then lower case the "Which" since it is now no longer the beginning of a sentence.
    Line 5 of the second paragraph you say It was because of his family heritage, when you say it it makes it unclear, say what "it" is.
    You know what, why dont you just inbox me a copy of the paper and ill peer review for you and highlight changes i made so i dont have to rant on in this post. So far very creative, which is good for what you want. I'd be glad to help if you want it.

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    Last edited by MerkShot; 01-09-2014 at 05:22 PM.

  3. #3
    Frozenbit.io Vintage's Avatar
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    Default

    Also avoid pronouns.

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