Nostalgia is just one of those things, it can control your life or it can just be something to be fond of. Living in the past trying to get back what you had before will drive someone crazy, and it has. Nostalgia if anything is a bad thing, its longing for something that made you happy, something that is no longer there. Codeleakers is a big load of it.

Codeleakers was a big part growing up for me, it really did shape the way I see the world and see people. From a shitty minecraft server to learning graphic design, web design, and eventually audio, this community helped me become who I am. In a way it was almost exactly like high school, you had the guys who where well respected and people knew, you had the guys people knew but didn't respect, and then you had the bronies in the yu gi oh tables. I was only here for a few years, maybe 3 total, but I fully indulged in this community, this was the first online community I had ever been a part of, I played PS3 games with some peeps here, I joined the Signature of the Week contest and only got close to winning once.

Those are all fun times, but they are gone, memories. Thats all they are now, and I am happy I have them. What makes someone who they are, are those memories. And a big part of who I am is due to this forum, the people here. Just a bunch of shit posters and faggets. People who had nothing better to do but to make and steal fucking Wii cheat codes. People who just wanted to burn some time, maybe make some art. And I loved it, every shit post, threads that had nothing do with me. It was just fun to be part of something.

After everything, I stopped posting, I lost interest. and eventually left. Still I never deleted the bookmark, I would click it every once in a while I would reset my password when the gay ass prompt would show up. Maybe post sometimes.

And that brings it back to nostalgia. Nostalgia is..... well its not good or bad. It is a reminder of the good, but it's followed by the sadness of growing up. And thats just shitty.

I was maybe 14 or 15 when I got into the forum, just a lowly kid who liked games and shit posting. High School was shitty like usual and I had nothing better to do, like usual. Code Leakers was my distraction from the super edgy freshman phase, and the my sophomore year was equaly shity. And during that time I would check Codeleakers for the latest content, latest news, and the latest shitposting. A nice fun time.

But let me push this a little bit away from Codeleakers, let me talk about life, at least mine for a bit. I do Audio, live and post. So far I have worked on indie movies, and a few corporate ads. But I want to be a music producer. Hold in there, I promise this all adds up. I took theatre in high school for 3 years, and long story short, I basically ran the whole program, made sure it didn't cave down in its own incompetence. So naturally I came to visit, I walked around noticed shit was still where I had left it just a few months prior, even the battery chargers where still unplugged. The floor was still a poor shade of "rich black" and the prop doors still had nails sticking out because I was to lazy to fix it. I walked over to the hall way where I kissed probably the most important girl I had meet that year. I smiled, and I walked away. I went into the class and saw some of the people who still remembered me, some missed me, others... well they hated me, understandably. I had said so much shit to a lot of people, called them out on so much bullshit and hell even got back at a few, but when I left I was so happy I could leave and not have to come back, I had thrown hours, of hard work and dedication to that program only to have those people not appreciate all the drowning I did to keep their heads above water, but I didn't care I had already moved on.

When I came back to my old house in mexico after I wasn't allowed to for 3 years, I visited my cousins, the ones I had spend countless hours playing soccer with, kicking dirt up in the air. I tried to talk to them, like i use too, but everyone was different, they where different people some had wifes now, full time jobs and a lot of beer. I walked around my old street and walked into the same mini mart I had 3 years ago and had the clerk barely recognize me. It was an odd feeling because I didn't recognize her. Those 3 years I was gone for where enough to change so much, about me, about other. It changed how those games of soccer played out in my head and suddenly the dirt I kicked up in the air, burnt my lungs just a bit more. The cracks where more define, the dog across the street was dead now, and so was the neighbor. The funeral was two years before, and apparently I was invited. I wouldn't have gone anyways, the guy would make holes on my soccer balls before he returned them. There was a new store three blocks down and now there was giant wall seperating what use to be fence on one side of the yard. But this time when I got in my car and left, i did care, because it was not the same.

Nostalgia had gotten the better of me, I was not connected to my family like I use to be, I was not part of it anymore, I was a stranger just like they where to me, just a shadow of the use too's and the was. I grabbed my yellow Tonka truck that was now rusted, and bent from exposure to the elements, and left. I am actually here now while I type this.

Maybe nostalgia is bad, but its why I am who I am those memories where better as memories, and Codeleakers made a ton of them. Good or bad, I am happy I was part of this community, I am 19 now, and its time to keep going.

Merry Christmas


Also take note its 3:30 AM and i am tired, sorry for the inconsistencies or grammer errors